The Reality of Distorted Thoughts

A distorted thought is a thought that is not a true reflection of what is, but a thought that comes through our own internal mental filters and presents in an inaccurate or exaggerated way.  These distorted thoughts often come from our past experiences, learned biases, and ways we have had to cope during stressful times, and when left unchecked can create negative thinking patterns.  Although these thoughts can show up as positive distorted thoughts as well, majority of our distorted thoughts are negative in nature and can interfere significantly with our perception of ourselves, others, situations and our relationships.

Imagine being at a carnival and visiting the funhouse.  In that funhouse are all different mirrors.  One mirror might reflect back a version of you with a tiny head and big body, another might reflect back a long head and short fat body, and another might reflect back something completely different.  No matter what is reflected back though, none of those versions of you are accurate.  The mirror is distorting the reality of what is in front of it, much in the same way our thoughts can, twisting situations and experiences into a more negative experience than they actually are.

When we are anxious about something or even when we just aren’t feeling like the best versions of ourselves (for instance when we are feeling insecure, under pressure, sick, overwhelmed, exhausted, low, etc.) our minds tend to reflect our thoughts back to us much the same way those funhouse mirrors do – negatively distorted.  Because this is such an automated process, we often don’t even realize this is what is happening and take our distorted thoughts as facts, which can then further add to our feelings of anxiety and dis-ease, creating a negative feedback cycle that keeps us stuck and feeling worse.

Becoming aware of the ways in which our minds distort our thoughts can be extremely helpful.  It gives us the knowledge and language that helps us recognize the type of distorted thought we are having.   Once we can acknowledge the type of distorted thought we are having by labelling it, we can then work with it through challenging its accuracy and adjusting it to a more realistic and often more positive one.  After all, we can’t solve any problems without having all our facts!

Common types of distorted thoughts:

1.      Negative Comparisons

• Comparing yourself to others in a negative way that has you feeling bad about yourself.

  • “I don’t have as much as they do, so I am not as good as they are.”

  • “I don’t know as much as they do about this topic, so I must be an idiot.”

  • “I don’t have as many likes as him on social media, so people must not like me as much.”

• These types of thoughts have us tying in our self-worth to what we perceive in others.

  
  

2.      Catastrophizing

• Expecting the worst/most catastrophic outcome.

  • “If I don’t go along with what they say, they will end their relationship with me.”

  • “My spouse is 20 minutes late and I have not heard from them, they must have gotten in an accident.”

  • “They don’t call me as much as I would like them to, I am obviously not important to them.”

• These types of thoughts have us wasting a lot of energy worrying about outcomes that are unlikely and often never come to fruition.

  
  

3.      Discounting the Positive

• Minimizing the goodness of something or not taking credit for something you have achieved.

  • “That was just a fluke”.

  • “They only wanted to spend time with me because they were desperate.”

  • “Well, that doesn’t really count.”

• These thoughts keep us from seeing our full worth.

  
  

4.      Mind Reading and Fortune Telling

• Making assumptions as to what someone else is thinking or feeling.

  • “They haven’t texted back yet; they must be mad at me.”

  • “He didn’t answer his phone; he must be avoiding me.”

  • “They are 30 minutes late; they must have gotten into an accident.”

• These thoughts often have us assigning meaning and jumping to incorrect conclusions.

  
  

5.      Spotlighting

• Overestimating how much others notice you/assuming everyone is watching you as closely as you are watching yourself.

  • “Everyone is going to notice this zit on my face.”

  • “Everyone is going to notice how uncomfortable I am”

  • “Everyone is going to notice the stain on the bottom of my pants”

• These types of thoughts can have us feeling embarrassed and as if we are under continual scrutiny and potentially being judged for things that other people often do not notice.

  
  

6.      Labelling

• Defining or judging yourself or others based on a specific negative attribute or event.

  • “She was not nice to me, so she is a bad person.”

  • “He did not want to spend time with me, there must be something wrong with me (or them).”

  • “I didn’t know the right thing to say, I am such an idiot.”

• These types of thoughts can lower our self-esteem and self-concept by having us reducing our entire identity to one single negative aspect we notice about ourselves at one specific point in time.

7.      Overgeneralization

• Making broad assumptions about yourself, someone else or something without having significant experience to do so.

  • “I’m never going to get a job”, after only receiving one rejection letter.

  • “That is a bad restaurant”, after only eating there once and having a bad experience.

  • “They never reach out”, because someone does not reach out as much as you would like them to.

• These thoughts can create biases with absolutely no backing.

  
  

8.      Personalization

• Believing you are responsible for things beyond your control.

• Believing that something someone else has done is because of you.

  • “They don’t call me as much as I would like them to, I am obviously not important to them”, when in actuality they are busy juggling many different things and are calling as much as they can.

  • Interpreting a neutral comment as a negative attack.

  • “Had I been with them when they had their heart attack, they would not have died.”

• These types of thoughts bring in unrealistic self-blame and unjust blame of others.

9.      All-Or-Nothing Thinking/Polarized Thinking

• Viewing things in extremes (good and bad, black and white, right or wrong”.

  • “If I can’t get this right the first time, I will never get it right.”

  • “My patience wasn’t great today; I am a terrible parent.”

  • “I made a mistake; I can’t do anything right.”

• This type of thought pattern can stop us from doing the things we want to do and hinder our ability to find solutions.

  
  

   10.   Emotional Reasoning

• Believing something based on our emotions (how we feel) rather than fact.

  • “I feel guilty, so I must have done something wrong.”

  • “I am feeling anxious, so this must be a dangerous situation.”

  • “This feels so good, so it must be ok to do.”

• These types of thoughts can lead to misunderstandings, unhealthy behaviours, and poor decision-making.

We cannot stop distorted thoughts from entering our mind.  That expectation would be unrealistic.  They are a normal part of life and part of long-standing human conditioning.  But when we learn to notice our thoughts and take the time to check and challenge them, we give ourselves the ability to see things more accurately and often in a more positive light, which often saves ourselves (and others) from much unwarranted pain and suffering.